Usually when you talked about human-wildlife conflict, it would be a one-sided affair. The story would be of a brave hunter who had gunned down 3 male lions and lived to tell the tale.

He/she would be considered a hero of some sort. A larger than life character that would put aside his own safety for a sport so dangerous and life threatening.

But after years and years on the winning side of this seemingly silent battle for supremacy, the humans seem to have let their guard down and the tide now has turned. Blinded by technology, the humans assume they are still in control – deceived by the illusion that the animals have retreated. The same animals they hunted not so long ago have become their loyal companions, or so they think.

Man might have forgotten that there is a war being waged, but the animal kingdom has not, even for one bit. After centuries of being hunted, the animals decided to put aside their differences and identified a unified formidable foe.

If you go to any national park in Kenya and walk out of your vehicle, you are likely to be trampled by a buffalo, eaten by a lion, crushed by a rhino or torn apart by a mob of hyenas.

These seemingly clueless creatures are the generals that command the animal battalions. They, in their wisdom, have discovered that waging this war outwardly would only cause more animal casualties.

So they have utilised the, age old techniques of sending spies to the enemy. Clever, cunning and lethal soldiers that have infiltrated even the most private sections of our society.

And if you think the generals are not smart, then you will be amazed at their craftiness. They use their enemies to manufacture these spies for them.

Most of us really have no idea what is going on behind the scenes but those who do, either want to keep it a secret or they are animal loyalist who have pledged their allegiance to the generals in exchange for mercy when the great battle begins.

Have you ever wondered why, when you hear the stories of people who have been attacked by wild animals, there are always those that come out unscathed? They seem to have been invisible to the animals and they have very minimal injuries. This is because the generals give you a chance to save yourself.

According to the animal code, which I got from a reliable source, no animal can attack you without giving you an opportunity to join them. If you accept, the animal will only give you a small bruise so as not to look suspicious. But if you do not join their side, the animal has the right to do as it pleases with you.

Most people who survive these ordeals are too terrified to reveal the secrets of the animal kingdom and even if they do, who would believe such a ridiculous story about the animal kingdom waging war on humans. Most people would think that you have gone crazy or perhaps those are symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. So the clever option is to keep your mouth shut, exactly what the generals want you to do.

These spies in the camouflage of carvings, dolls and statues are loved by the humans, every man or woman wants 1, 2, 3 or a dozen of these spies in their homes, offices and even near their children, not realising how grave the danger is.

The generals are smart, careful and calculating. They will not give the command until every human establishment has been infiltrated.

If you go to most public places, that are frequented by people, they are there in plain view. Some are even daring enough to block your path. For example, at the entrance of Nakumatt Karen and Galleria you will find these huge life-like statues blocking the entrance but do not be so easily fooled, they are not as lifeless as they seem.

At their headquarters in the Nairobi National Park, you will find other statues along the fence as if saying we are here and make no mistake we will have our revenge. Finally, the familiar factory on Ngong road near Lenana where all kinds of spy statues are manufactured.

The storm keeps brewing with every headline of an animal being slain by the human beings and the animals keep cool but make no mistake, the plan is slowly but swiftly being executed and soon the generals will give their command.

When they do, I hope we will have discovered their secret and have used our advancement in technology to forge peace and find a lasting solution to to this human-wildlife conflict and easily co-exist with our animal counterparts. Because we all know their existence is vital to our survival.